What was that Mr. President?

"Secondly, there are such things as roving wiretaps. Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution . "

~ G. W. Bush

Buffalo Speech 2004

 

I'm predicting three things for his speech tonight : 1. Domestic security - He's going to try to spin the videos released as signs of fear on the part of the terrorist, although who are the videos released by? The White House. Good move, cause now you are instilling fear, but showing confidence by not raising terror alert codes. That is just my conspiracy theory.

2. He'll have to address the energy crisis. I think he'll try to win over liberals with alternative energy proposals and He'd be ballsy and an idiot to bring up Artic drilling.

3. Obviously the con tining growing economy and lowering of the unemployment rate...which is listed by MSN as the biggest concern of the American people.

 

I'm for impeaching this mofo.

 

Saw three great movies this weekend

'Good Night and Good Luck' - 2005, George Clooney

 

Great black and white movie that deeply resonates with the political and social climate of today. There is a great debate about the role of the movie and entertainment industry today. Is corporate sponsership and ownership create a fear of reporting the truth? And what is the responsibility of those reporting it have in the truth? And in turn, here is George Clooney who is making the kind of film people can really respond to and react too. The public is not fat, lazy and indolent (okay, some are), but there are many of us who view this country as our country and take active part in active debate about its future.

 

Good Qoutes from the movie:

We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
Edward R. Murrow

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it.
Edward R. Murrow

 

'MurderBall'  2005

 

A documentry on wheelchair rugby. Intense, intense documentry. Almost made me I was a quadriplegic...not really. They not only go into the game, but they also explore life out side this game and how the game has given them meaning, sometimes too much.

 

'Walk The Line' 2005 - James Mangold

 

After they won 3 golden globes, I had to see what all the hype was about. Amazing, emotional and powerful story of Johnny Cash and a period of American Rock and Roll.It's also a great love story that resonates with any man who has chased after a girl. I have more to say, but back to work.

Spin Spin

"It's a heavy and thick shadow that weighs on me. It has real weight. Each day I go to the gym and lift, I imagine picking the weight of that shadow off me. It's so big that it has its own gravity that pulls me towards it, but I spin and dance. Spin and spin on my Y axis in my X orbit, the weight of the shadow's shadow eclisping my face in cycles."

"You know what causes heavy shadows"

"What?"

"Very, very bright lights"

"Ha. Touche."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Being hidden and lost in that shadow, being invisible, leaving this world with only an echo of frivilous acts."

"No wonder. So you keep spining?"

"Keep moving."

5:09pm Still at work

Ehhhh (sighing in resignation)

 

Hopefully out of here by 6pm

Getting crazy

These are days I question, what the hell am I doing? I spend 8-13 hours in the office, 1-2 hours at the gym and at best 6-8 hours sleeping. The most interesting conversations and forms of entertainment I seem to derive in conversations with myself, usually in my morning walks to the train.

Yesterday's conversation:

Dq: Isn't it interesting how Abe Lincoln's depression is what drove him to become a President?
Dq2: Not just President, but a hard working President. He felt like he needed to become a mand of respect inorder to earn that respect.
Dq: Do you think it was really depression? Or just a hyper sensitivity.
Dq2: It was clinically diagnosed as depression, but it could be translated as a hyper-sensitivity. He had a genuine care for the people and that showed. It's like he used that depression as a driving force. Like Winston Churchill, Kept busy and worked hard for a set of goals he believed in (saving England), but always had a sense of dignified gloom about him like Lincoln did.
Dq: Like he cruxified himself.
Dq2: Exactly! That is what a leader does. He has to care about the people. He has to be the people, give them hope, and love them all. Tha'ts why Bush won. He looked closer to his family. He exuded a genuine care. Look at Obama. How does someone with the name Obama, a democrate, win IL? He trumpeted faith, family and care. Kerry was a Fucking puppet, but we voted for him. Not that he didn't showcare, he never addressed issues of faith, especially in a country where 97% of all people believe in a God.
Dq: I know. You figure a purple heart, decorated war veteran and hero, and respected Senator from the Kennedy state would have no issues. Anyway, that's what good kings did. I was listening to the Matisyahu CD, live at stubbs, and he talked about the times of Kings -Kings are suppose to be poets, the hearts of the people. He is supposed to be able to lay down for them.
Dq2: we're all poets.
Dq: but we're not all kings.
Dq2: true that, my friend.
Dq: Chest and Back today?
Dq2: No, we got that thing to go to.
Dq: Right. I hope _ is there. She's something else.
Dq2: Yep, me too.

Ouch

Jack Daniels, you M..F'er!!

 

Hungover at work. Cab ride from a Middle Eastern restuarant on U street. What was I doing at the restaurant, drunk? Eating lamb kabob and couscous by myself.

 

Checked my phone just now, and yep two drunk dials.

 

Shame, Shame.

Mid April, I was in the bread isle of the Safeway on 17th and Corcoran, a block away from our apartment. Jeans and a SigEp t-shirt, I carried a basket of chicken tenders, tomatoes, and olive oil. My hair is still wet from a shower and my black Tevas are still wet too. She walks up from behind me and whispers in my ear. I feel the warmth of her body first and then a whisp of her long blonde hair on my arm. She whispers softly but quickly, "I didn't realize there were so many hot guys in this Safeway."

Interesting things I've done this past week

1. I started reading the complete compilation of Zora Neal Hurston's short stories. I really enjoy her stories. They are almost fairy tales that are re-made with another culture in mind. Most of her stories are a bit depressing, but suprisingly, they are also uplifting.

 

2. I cancelled dinner twice with a former GF. It really wasn't my fault. It's been a busy time at the office and I'm only begining to even "catch" my breath today.

 

3. I went out and bought myself the most expensive IPOD available. Yep, I gave in and now I'm thinking I want a Nano too (it's been a long three weeks, I needed to spoil myself a bit).

 

4. I managed to built a 5'x9.5' wall to close off the dinning room, move all my stuff in there and out of my previous room for a new roommate, and cleaned all in one day!

 

5. I cut the legs off of my desk so I can sit on the floor and type.

 

6. I've been addicted to the History's channel on Presidential History.

 

7. I've been constantantly listening to Matisyahu's CD 'Live at Stubbs."

 

8. Potato Vodka and the juice of a lemon is my new favorite drink.

 

 

Muse me

You ever feel like you are sitting on an island? It's strange. Even when I sit in a crowded place like the metro, I will feel a bob of the waves even while the train is sitting still. Even while I sit in that crowded space, I am chilling on a deserted island. I'm in a far away place in a short story by  Zora Neale Hurston, in my pod...my ipod.

At work I sit in an office, proofing memos, writing request and ordering certificates. When I get to call someone, I put on my best phone voice and I get excited. I never know if I will get someone nice who will help me out or an unhelpful beauracrat who I'll have to charm into getting what I want or maybe someone sad who I'll cheer up, at least try. The work isn't bad. I like the projects that the attorney's give me and say, "you think you can find out.." and I do. But still, it's work. I have an image to maintain, a role to play.

I think I'm trying to say a lot at once with out being direct about things. Cause what is the fun in being direct if one cannot interpret?

Language itself is a very precarious science. Music is good and so is singing and poetry because people understand what you are getting across, but in language, we argue over meanings and definitions and word choice. Communication is too big to be exact, too complicated. I like proper English for it's precision, but I like watching French and Italian people speak for their beautiful tones and the way they can use their whole body to express something. And here I am trying to communicate with charecters that are put together to make sounds we understand. I guess that is why I like authors like Marquez, Harukami, and Hemingway - their powerful metaphors, the way they can paint a picture with words, etc. and perhaps what I'm trying to capture in the image of a boy on the train full of people, but alone.

..course I knew it wouldn't be easy

No Struggle, No Progress Frederick Douglass, 1857

The whole history of progress of human liberty Shows that all concessions Yet made to her august claims Have been born of earnest struggle. If there is no struggle  There is no progress.   Those who profess to favor freedom, And yet deprecate agitation, Are men [and women] who want crops  Without plowing up the ground, They want rain  Without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean Without the awful roar of its waters. This struggle may be a moral one; Or it may be a physical one; Or it may be both moral and physical; But it must be a struggle.  Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did, and it never will. Find out just what any people Will quietly submit to  And you have found the exact measure Of injustice and wrong  Which will be imposed upon them, And these will continue till they are resisted. . .  The limits. . . are prescribed  By the endurance  Of those whom. . [are] oppress[ed].   Men [and Women] may not get all they pay for in this world, but they pay for all they get. If we ever get free  from the oppressions and wrong heaped on us, we must pay for their removal. We must do this  by labor,  by suffering, by sacrifice, and if needs be by our lives and the lives of others

hollar

I was at work till 9:45pm tonight. On the way home, I opened up the Washington Express and saw an image and a story that captured my imagination : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4627950.stm .

Notable Dreams

I had a vivid dream that I was flying into a huge Armageddon type storm. We were all evacuating DC and there was a group of us that wanted to go to Boston, which also happened to turn into the center of the storm.

We stayed on a huge plane that looked more like a flying cruise ship. I met a girl on the boat who's mom was a hair dresser. They had a Shetland dog whose bangs had been dyed red and whose hair was fashioned to mimic the rolling hills of Ireland.

Other vivid images in the dream:

Going to a Cafe in Paris with a group of young people and getting wasted on wine and stuffed grape leaves.

Waking up at a friend's house in a foriegn country for blue berry pancakes and coffee.

I think I may have been just hungry in my sleep!

A Candy update

I'm just way too tired to be posting significant writing.

Work is very exaughsting of late.

My mom is finally moving from the night shift to the day shift at work!

I'm half way through my first draft of my Law School Essay.

Currently reading Hemmingway's 'To Have and Have not.' Currently listing to Chet Baker, 'Alone Together.'

I'm now working out at the Washington Sports Club. It's awesome. Definetly very cush.

something nice I read today

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

A loss

I watched scenes from Dances With Wolves this afternoon before I went to the gym and kinda wished I was a Sioux Native American. It's a culture centered around family and love while here I am in a world where your value is based upon your productivity. And even your productivity is limited to regional cultural values of the corporate culture and what the state considers a productive citizen (which is, of course, subject to personal biases and political value).

Anyway, the other issue I have been dealing with is isolation. Perhaps I'm just getting old. I like dinners with friends, movies, exhibits, etc, but don't you think the bar scene is a bit ridiculous? We all sit there meeting friends of perhaps friends and paying way too much for drinks while dancing to bad white anthems and all the while dealing with overly drunk guys in blue striped shirts who want to pick a fight with you because you said 'excuse me,' while on your way to the bathroom (well, and his girlfriend winked at you and you winked back).

And so the Patriots lost tonight and I'm a bit devestated. It's been a long ass week. I will now rant for a bit:

Attorney 1: Please stop walking around like a moping dog. It's like a guillotine is about to drop on you and all the while you walk with the shadow of death on your shoulder. I wished it would have dropped already so you wouldn't be so mobile.

Attorney 2: Make a damn decision yourself for once w/o having to consult partner 1 and then partner 2 for approval of a FAX. Yes, I said a FAX. And if you had followed my reccomendations 3 days ago, everything would have been fine. Yes, You can tell me I was right and you were wrong next week..and you are fat.

Financial printers: You all are worthless pieces of trash who pay no attention to detail and make my life a horrible living mess. ANd I'm glad the Redskins lost!

I guess that is what you become after spending so many hours at work this week. It's not like I mind so much as I wish there was something to balance it off. I really don't have a reason to get out of the office early. I don't have a reason to get out of the gym earlier. What I do, I set up for myself. It's very independent and also very lonely, but there are some doors we must walk through a lone, right?

Love

1 Corinthians 13

Love

 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

A Vow of ''Celebracy''

This made me chuckle. I'm a nerd for jokes about typographical erros.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He''s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text ofthe Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages.

After becoming a linguistic master,he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every versionof the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading"to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a screamin the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,

"An ''R''! They left out the ''R''."

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again,"It''s the letter ''R''... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

a Shortie

I was at the office until 8pm last night. They had sent me to Boston on Thursday night for a closing that was happening on Friday. Which was okay with me becuase it meant partying with the crew. I also got to chat with the Deputy Banking Commission and Chief Counsel. Overall a very productive trip.

 

Friday night I went to a concert at Copperfields, a bar by Fenway. Stillfro played. I went to high school with these guys and a two month stint in 8th grade as their bass guitarist. It was like a high school reunion.

 

I think they are begining to realize I can do more then they had thought and I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Saucers spinning

I feel like i'm that guy who is balancing different plates on different poles and trying to keep them spining all at the same time., hoping that none of them drop and shatter. Work seems to be it's own set of dinning plates in itself. Make sure the faxes are ready to go out. Look up which clients are required to do file that Further Notice. Finish this closing binder by next week. Make edits to the balance sheets. Did you send out that DE tax notice, and can you request that audit response to be done tomorrow.

 

Got to keep tabs on the family, the expectations, the relationships, the gym. Make sure your finances are set, that you get your personal statement done and request your transcripts. Send out that form for to Citibank. Make sure you go grocery shopping, do the laundry and clean the kitchen. Make time to take those things to the cleaners.

 

And at the end of the day, get some rest.

Conversations

Seasonal Depression sucks.

It must be affecting us both this year. What's so wrong with young love?
It's careless and careerless.
Right, and this hopeless romantic is suppose to give into that.

Has it ever occurred to you that I depend on you more then you think?
You've never told me.
Well, I'm telling you, I do.

I'm just going to have to go out there and conquer the world.
Sure.
You want a continent named after you are something?
That would be nice.

Okay, Antarctica is yours. What a metaphor.
You're mean.
I meant in that you are my north, constant and guiding.

Family History

The last two books I read, "100 Year of Solitude," Gabriel Garcia Marquez and "Everything is Illuminating," Jonathan Sofran Foer dealt with a lot of family relationships and history which has made me look more into my own family's history. They were both great books. Foer's book started out light and comical and somehow ended on the totally opposit end of the spectrum. Not that it was a bad thing, but it was shocking. I think it was very ambitious and there are a lot of these brillant moments in the book.

Anyway, It got me thinking about my relationship I have with my family and its history. There are a lot of stories out there still to be told. My great grandfather was a fisherman who died at sea while my great grandmother was pregnant with my grandmother. Before then, they had migrated from China. My grandmother had twin girls, one of whom died while trying to escape Vietnam after the war. My mom, dad, his brother and two sisters all escaped Vietnam on a fishing boat on their first attempt (which I am told was incredibly lucky). They spent three days at sea, went through a storm, were almost killed by pirates and ended up in Maylasia at a refugee camp for six months. My older Aunt had met her future husband on that island. He was the son of a high ranking officer who was personal friends with the General of the Southern Vietnamese army. My uncle had spent 30 days at sea and had eaten a fish raw and once asked the people on the boat to throw him overboard. My older Aunt was shy and they did not meet again until they had all ended up in Boston by coincidence. My family almost ended up in Australia. My dad was arrested once for stealing from the communist. My grandmother had to sell all the pigs to pay for his debt and to get him released. My uncle, who spent 30 days at sea, was part of the resistance that kept on fighting the Northern Army in the jungles until one day he came back to the village where they kept there stores and found everyone gone. He also once ran into a fox hole while being chased by the Northern Army. He left Vietnam soon after that.

As much as I try, I can't seem to make stories out of them yet. They are too close to my heart. I wonder if my Great Grandfather dying at sea has was a small reason for me being afraid of deep water...like collective memory. I also feel the weight of their stories, like I am an answer to their questions, like their struggle is for my success.

I just wanted to get that out there. I'm not feeling very poetic, just very desperate to write.

The Darkness

When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.  ~Friedrich Nietzche

People watching

 I like train stations, airports, gyms, bars and schools because each place offers such an immense classroom for the human observer. It's like another extreme version of reality TV, but you have to use your imagination a little bit for the plot lines. THe bonus is that you are observing reality as reality gets. Even in our own experiance or reality we are subjected to our own personal biases, but as observers there maybe that personal bias, but as observers, we are able to formulate better and more objective opinions about the world around us.

 Sometimes I do feel like that outsider. Then when I am even approached with a conversation to start, I want to pull out my journal and follow guideline 1-13-01, 'return gesture by buying drink for her and yourself. Then comment on her jewrley. Proceed to ask about recent movies. Lead into books, music and sports' 'If conversation proceed beyond that, proceed to 2-14-03 - London.'

In all honesty, I just like to write about it.

Resolutions

You got any new years resolutions?

 

I've taken a lot of time to reevaluate my goals, my career and my life. I've explored the possibilities of other careers, programs, jobs, etc. I've seeked a lot of advice from many differant people from family to friends and books to those who went through what many of us go through - a slump.

 

I learned that I will never be defined by what I do for a living. I learned that I really do like what I am doing now and am going to persue a law degree in Financial law. I'm slowly learning to effectivly manage my time to be social, write, work out, and apply to law school.

 

In a year, I see myself in Boston at a higher paying job fulltime and going to school part-time. I see myself practicing yoga on a bi-weekly basis and still continuing to eat and stay healthy. I want to go see more plays, at least two broadway productions and hopefully taking a trip to Paris, Florence or Vietnam. Spend less money on CDs. Try out more restaurants rather then just read about them. I want to get an article or short story published or a play produced. Maybe I'll meet a girl who can keep up and likes to laugh, and lets hope she's not a Yankee's fan.

One of those post

A very long time ago, probably 8th grade, a woman came into my Home skills class. It was one of those classes where you learn how to sew, cook, clean and talk about what was appropriate and inappropriate. I didn't quite get it and thought it was really out dated. She was a career counselor and wanted to give us a preliminary heads up on reality..that we all couldn't be the President of the United States, a rock star, or a teenaged mutant ninja turtle (there was always that one kid in eigth grade, the same kid who had an imaginary dog). All the while, I was thinking in the back of my head, 'so this is how you are going to ruin my life, ms?'

We all took a little test and there was a long Q and A about what our answers resulted. There were questions on that ambigious five scale.
Do you like to build things?
1.Very much, 2. yes, 3. neutral, 4. no, 5. never.
I put down very much, but in reality I wanted to write in the margains : well, I don't like blocks, and I think leggos are very out dated, but give me an ultimate erector set and I could probaly build you a rock that rolls itself. But do I like it? ah, when there is nothing else to do, yes.

There were questions like:
Would you rather a) put out a fire or b) fix a car?
I'd write: c) start a huge road fire and then I'd take a big ass Humvee and drive through that shit with water cannons blazzing and my sergant yelling at me, "Quach, you got to give it more gas, son!" "Yes Sir" and I'd drive in figure eights until I puked!  (I was 13, and these are the things 13 year old boys dream of besides Christina Applegate).

I finished the test and my score pointed me in the direction of the Service Industry. I'd be a pretty good carpenter or your local school custodian (no offense, Mr. Malhoun).

She asked all of us, what did we like to do. The question went around the room. John said I like to play with my dog. She would reply, you should look into being a Veternarian. Suzie said she liked to dress her dolls. The career conselor said, you should look into fashion design. She came to me and asked - 'so what about you. What do you like doing?'  and hoping to throw her off and spite her, I said, 'I like to think.' And I did. I would sit and ponder over the nature of humanity or at least let my imagination off it's leash. Even at a young age, I had this strong inclination to just study humanity, what drives us, what makes us differant from animals, why are there so many religions, what is love, why hate, etc. She said, 'well, that's is unusual, but there are these things called think-tanks that sit down and try to solve the problems of big companies. You could try out that career track.' And when I was about to asked what was the trail for that career path, she quickly moved on to Timothy who smiled widely and said he knew what he wanted to be..a dentist.

I did learn a few things about myself that day. 1. Career counseling is not a job for me; 2. I should look into this thing called a think tank; and 3. I have a lot of interest and a lot of imagination.

Happy New Year!

We illuminate. Champagne glasses in the air, tapping our feet to a salsa beat, we all danced in the living room. The men like sparks from a stone and flint extend our calloused hands to the soft hands of the beautiful ever-glowing women in short black dresses. Their pearls swing and diamonds shine and the light of the candles dance in their big bright eyes.

We illuminate. The dinning room is loud and animated. Laughter fills the air and we nourish our souls with the comfort of these friends and lovers. It is orgasmic. We hug, kiss and dance some more. Young lovers kiss and whisper, and kiss some more. Thighs are touched, necks are caressed and we exchange promises in soft whispers and evanescent glances.

You are stunning, like a bloom a bright light leaves on the eye after you turn away from it. Intoxicated by the smells, the drinks, the food and by life, we all dance letting the whole world know we do not care for tomorrow.

In love with each other and life, we illuminate the evening sky.