I sometimes write e-mails at work

This is one for the records. Context: I'm explaining how I will talk about an abscence of a friend and my current situation at a future New Year's Party.

 

Of course. What do you think I would have said? We'll she is now pregnant with twins, is thinking about joining a commune in the keys and selling pencils to the local school children to support her addiction to twizzlers and peanut butter. Mean while, her life partner is getting a masters in stone therapy and silver working. They both hope to one day open a store specializing in crafts and salf water taffy.

I'll have to break news to people that i'm staying in DC till May. I'll have to explain why and my explanation will be as follows: Well, a worm hole opened up in the space and time continuum over my bed one night. I climbed in a lived my life exactly as I had if I had left in February. Turns out Boston is going to have a very bad winter and while joy riding in a snow Mobil during an early march snow storm on Beacon Hill I run into a group of humans who fell through the space and time continuum about 5,000 BC, hence the bad winter. Turns out one of them is an early ancestor of mine, So the only way for me to not disappear was to find the next worm hole and send everybody back to their regular space. It all worked out in the end. My mom complained about all the hair in the bath tub and my sister was a brat about the smell, but I think we all bonded at the end of it all. So here I am, back in my space, fully dressed with a glass of champagne and an appetite like a cave man.